Beware:Don’t Share Your Porn !

We can finally find self-pleasure in peace. The Indian IT Act has legalised the ownership and viewership of pornographic material. However, sharing porn remains a criminal offence.

Of course, most of us will still hide our porn collection in safe havens, and be aware of looking over our shoulders at regular intervals. But at least, we know that the cops can’t haul us over any time they wish to see if any of our electronic devices has porn in it or not. The railway police did that recently to an IT student in Mumbai, but don’t let them do that to you now. The new law states that the police can check your devices only if there’s a complaint.

All good news so far, but the sad thing is that you’ll be a criminal if you share porn with anyone, even friends. Imagine if your friend didn’t like the porn you shared with him, and you didn’t share the porn he really wanted from you, he could file a complaint and you’d behind bars, sans any porn. Not a good situation to be in.

So, download all the porn you want from home (downloading from a cyber cafe is illegal), own and watch as much as you can, but don’t transmit it electronically.

Delhi Belly: Feelgood Rebellion .

After a long time its noisy time at the theaters, because Delhi Belly is purely funny and insanely hysterical. Every punch line in the film is greeted with clap, every fart is cheered upon and every abuse gets a ceetee. It certainly has enough laughter to make your Belly, even if it is not from Delhi, go for severe exercise. It is a 96 minutes thorough entertainer, without any “interval”.

Although there are women in key roles, but Delhi Belly is predominantly a male film. The film has a novel story to tell, with outrageous moments and cuss words, which forms the integral part of the film, well juxtaposed in the narrative. The script is the winner. Its original, intriguing, fast paced and young. Never ever has an Indian film, nothing that I can remember, been so raunchy, outrageous, nutty and profanely hilarious.

This film is a laugh riot. Unlike other productions of Aamir Khan, where there were strong sub texts (Peepli Live) or a smooth poetic lyricism (Dhobi Ghat), this film does not walk that path, and you don’t wish for it either. Delhi Belly is entirely different and has a fresh appeal with lots of fart, shit and f**k. So why the f**k would you miss it? Go and have fun and enjoy this farting blockbuster-Bhaag Bhaag.. to the cinema halls.

Special thanks to the Censor Board for allowing the film to be screened without much edits. They used their brains instead of scissors and no morals have been hurt either. That’s the lingo present generation use, and there is no offense intended.

P.S. Atleast watch it for Shenaz Tresaury and Poorna Jagnnathan.Both girls are freaking Hawwwt!

real life

climbed up, standing and staring the world up in the mountains

and you start thinking.

you feel like you are king of the world, feel like you rule this insane place.

because honey, world is way more insane, crazy, depressing and happy place than you know.

you will encounter too many bullshit that you think you can get away with.

you will fight against too many unfair incidents that you can't ever imagine of.

but please know that what you see is not everything.

there are so many happy things that you can laugh and smile about.

there are so many people who love you.

and please know that how unfair every bullshit you face everyday, life is worth way more than you think because one day you will know how little things can make you happy.

you will be surprised that one little change you make today could bring you a dramatic change in life.

there are no equations, there are no rules and there are definitely no second guessing in life.

gotta move on, gotta live and should have your own strategies.

please know that this world we live in is bittersweet and awesome.

WOR(L)D LIFE.!

Stars are twinkling, and the moon is shinning.

Parts of brightness, but the darkness is enveloping.

why does everybody want to think the same??, why is a difference regarded as insane???

To think the light is FIRE is considered stupid, and all they want to do is search for CUPID.

NOW THAT IS STUPID!!!!

Why not try and enunciate the sound of CHANGE, following the part of SUCCESSION is a very worthy action.

All we want to do is find a bed with them and get some action, who says its wrong, DO IT, but do it well n have your LIMITATIONS!!

Do the wrong, do the bad, do the crazy but do it well.

Do the sad, do the fat, do the unhealthy and blow that wealth.

Do the mad, do the fab, do it because at the end of it we aint the GREAT ALMIGHTY DAD.

Just dont make a HABIT become an ADDICTION because someday in the future all this FUN will make your body burn to a FRACTION.

SUCCESS is a road that never stops , and once a failure dont mean its the end.

Change your STYLE, change your FATE because there aint nothing such as LUCK.

Or maybe stay where you are and your kids will definitely compare you to an illiterate driver of some goods carrier TRUCK!!

A Pilots Note .

Flying is hours of boredom, punctuated by moments of stark terror.

Truly superior pilots are those who use their superior judgment to avoid those situations where they might have to use their superior skills.

Rule one: No matter what else happens, fly the airplane.

The propellor is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat.

No one has ever collided with the sky.

If you're ever faced with a forced landing at night, turn on the landing lights to see the landing area. If you don't like what you see, turn 'em back off.

Never let an airplane take you somewhere you brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.

If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller.

Every one already knows the definition of a good landing is one from which you can walk away. But very few know the definition of a great landing. It's one after which you can use the airplane another time.

Helicopters can't really fly — they're just so ugly that the earth immediately repels them.

Sorry folks for the hard landing. It wasn't the pilot's fault, and it wasn't the plane's fault. It was the asphault.

What's the difference between God and pilots? God doesn't think he's a pilot.

Airspeed, altitude, or brains; you always need at least two.

There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing: Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.

Jet and piston engines work on the same principle: Suck and squeeze, blow and go.

The three most dangerous things in aviation are a doctor in a Bonanza, two captains in a DC-9, and a flight attendant with a chipped tooth.

What do you call a pregnant flight attendant? Pilot error.

FIVE Minute Management Course.

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings..

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob , the next-door neighbor...

Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob , after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies....

"Great," the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak..'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."

Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'

Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch'

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'

The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients..'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree...

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at t he top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bull sh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

You Remember??

Do you remember when ....Your close friends became strangers, lollipops turned into cigarettes, the innocent ones turned into sluts, homework goes in the bin, soda became vodka, kisses turned into sex. Remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground? When protection meant wearing a helmet? When the worst thing you could get from boys/girls were allergies? Dads shoulders were the highest place on earth and mum was your hero? Your worst enemies were your siblings. Race issues were about who ran the fastest, the only drug you knew was calpole, wearing a skirt didn't make you a slut, the only thing that hurt you was skinned knees and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow? And we just couldn't wait to grow up ..Shows you how fast things change and how messed up things are now-a-days.